TUTT(+1) - October - Week 54

I chose the theme this week...October...
October is really a beautiful time of the year in South Africa...One of my favourite things in October is that it is when the Jacaranda trees, flower....The flowers are a beautiful mauve/blue colour and this beautiful canopy of blue is created when there are lots of trees together...When the flowers fall, the make a huge mess on the ground, but they are so beautiful, they are well worth the mess....Well to be honest, I have not ever had to clean up after a jacaranda tree, so I really should not comment...

I think Mariette struggled this week - she eventually turned to trusty old Mother Nature for her lovely picture: -

And Claire - Claire went Halloween on us: -

October is the last full month that my mom was still with us - Tomorrow marks the first anniversary of her passing - the last of our "firsts"...I keep thinking of what we were doing this time last year....or rather 52 weeks ago...Fifty two weeks ago, today she died...We had spent so much of this weekend last year at the hospital with her...Hoping and praying for a miraculous recovery, which was not hers to have, and at the same time trying to prepare for the worst....For me it was not a shock when she died, in some way I was relieved that her suffering was over, I am grateful that she did not linger on for months and weeks, hooked up to a ventilator and feeding tube, she would not have wanted to be like that, and she would not have wanted my dad (and the rest of us) to go through the agony of seeing her like that day in and day out for months on end.

When she died, my biggest concern was for my dad, what would he do without my mom...I think in focussing on trying to make sure that he was ok, made me stronger...I did however feel totally lost and alone in those first few months after she had passed away...Mike and the kids were amazing (and still are), but coming to terms with her going, was something I had to do on my own....I think of all the sad times in the last year, when I have thought of her at odd moments, when something reminded me of her, when we were doing something that the last time we had done, she had been with us, of all those moments, my birthday was the worst - I knew that she would not be phoning me, and that made me sob, my mom (and dad) had always been around for that day (more then any other day) - I mean, let's face it, without my mom, I would not be....all of that had a huge effect on me.

So here I am, a year later, carrying her in my heart (where she can never die), my dad is doing amazingly well - he has his sad moments, but he gets through them....I am proud of him and know that my mom is too....I love and miss you, mom, and always will....

Lots of love